What is wrong with me?

Some information about what has been going on, I'm 15 years old I have been dealing with panic attacks and anxiety all my life. I got used to it convinced myself it was normal. My dad and step mom got a divorce about a year ago and of course my real mom and him split up when I was just about 2. I got to see my real mom every weekend until her husband at the time started to beat and rape me, I never got to see my mom again after my dad got full guardianship. Back to last year I started to notice my anxiety a lot more and stopped doing normal things like hanging out with friends party's ETC. My dad takes little interest in me and always has. I really don't know how to go about getting help, when i bring up anything of this topic in front of my dad he kinda shuts down and wont talk about it. My anxiety and depression is beginning to worsen and I am scared that it might lead to harming myself. Please if anyone has any advise help me out.